Email - 1/12/10

From: Bryan Jay Barney
Sent: Tuesday, January 12, 2010 7:35 AM
Subject: Re: Happy New Year!

My story with homesickness is not really all that inspiring. I feel the normal pangs like everyone else, and I´m still fighting my way out of the holiday season flashes, but what really inspires me, what always inspires me, are two things.

The first is Elder Holland´s talk last Easter, wherein he mentions missionaries who feel homesick. But the second is a bit more personal.

In our mission we have had some true heroes. Young men I´ve only known at brief intervals, but whom I have always admired. One was a green missionary who remained only a brief amount of time with us. He had had medical complications in the field, and was visably suffering. We all worried for him. He struggled the whole time he was here, trying to speak, trying not to show anyone how sick we all know he was. I remember when they decided he HAD to go home, and when he bore his last testimony. I don´t remember a single thing he said, nor do I remember much of the way he said it, but I remember the force of the Spirit in the room at that moment, and I know that not a single person, regardless of origin, could not understand and feel his testiomony.

The other is of an Elder I knew off and on for a time. In fact, he was the last companion of my trainer before I arrived. I served in the same district as him for a time, and a great number of missionaries I know, knew him. He was a portly kid from the Northeast of Brazil, he was hardly handsome, and not exactly bright, but outside all this, there was something striking about him. This missionary suffered some rather humiliating health problems. I hear tell he wet himself more than once (though digestive illness gets everyone. It doesn´t matter if your an AP, the President, or a Junior. YOU WILL GET SICK.) and, well, let´s just say his health was never 100%. But that´s not what really was interesting. During the course of his mission, this Elder´s mother had passed away. Something, I am led to believe, which happened before my mission started, thus making it rather early in his mission. They say he was pretty down for a week or so, and wanted to go home a lot.

But never, no never, did I see that man cry, nor complain, nor even frown. Among the many missionaries I know, he was one of the happiest. He worked, from what I understand, with decent dilligence. I never heard anything to truly mar his record, nor his reputation. He was never one of those "Legendary Missionaries" One of those greats who baptizes many people or who changes the history of wards, but he was a missionary who, even when tempted and tried in the most extreme ways, did his part to build the kingdom of God.

"Hell" We are accustomed to say, "Is when the person you Are, meets the person you Could Have Been." And, as I add personally, "Agony is when you can´t meet the eyes of the man in the mirror."

I´ve never once considered abandoning the mission, never once have I even wanted to go back. Sure, I´ve missed home, but I´ve always remembered that, if I don´t come home the way the Lord sends me, I won´t enjoy it, and I´ll regret it all my life. But what keeps me going every day, even when I DO feel sour, is my testimony, my knowledge that The Gospel is true, and that there is a Christ, and that I can trust in Him. Christ said, "He who loseth his life for my sake, shall find it again."

I can´t imagine how this young Elder must feel, but I wish him all the best, and will add him to my prayers.

As for me, I´m well enough. Elder Barbosa and I will carry on six more weeks here in Anapolis, looking to baptize 5 families. The Stake President sat us down with a few members of the Ward Council Sunday and we made up a plan. Now Elder Barbosa and I will sit down and elaborate the plan so that we can use it to the best and fullest. It´s been a bit rough recently, bringing people to church, but with this new plan and the help of the members and of the Lord, I´m sure we´ll be able to do it.